This is what I believe

My profile has finally been approved on mormon.org, so I would like to share it with my friends and family. Please take some time to read the summary of my personal journey and browse the site to learn more about the church that I belong to. Believers are not one-dimensional. We are your neighbors, your coworkers, and hopefully your friends. I want to share my faith with you in hopes that you will feel comfortable sharing yours with me. I want to know you as more than just another person, I want to know what you believe and what you stand for.

(click the picture to go to my profile)

Absolutely, postively, 100% flabbergasted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I woke up this morning, these things were NOT in my plans! I expected a day of Bryan fixing his car, me taking Andy to the park, straightening up the house, reading with Andy, getting Grace from school, having a relaxing dinner, and maybe an early bedtime for all of us.

Yesterday Bryan's car fell apart, but we had no idea how bad it was until this morning. A piece of the power steering system fell off of Bryan's car when he was driving home from work yesterday. He went and bought the part to fix it and rented the tools he would need to get to it. Simple fix, huh? He went to remove the pieces, and he realized something else needed to be replaced. We would have to take the car apart to get to this piece. Now..... this car is 11 years old. It is a lemon. We don't want it anymore. Fixing the car right now would cost more than it is worth, because we do not have the resources to remove all of the parts to get to this one part and do the job ourselves.

While Bryan was figuring out how impossible his task was, a little boy came wandering down the street, alone. He told Bryan he was lost, so we looked around for an adult that might have been looking for him. When we found nothing we asked him some questions. His answers concerned us, so we bandaged his scraped knee, gave him a drink (he has dehyrdated, poor thing!), and I called for a police officer to come to our home. While the police were gathering information an employee for Katy ISD stopped in front of our house and asked for the boy by name. Even though he told us he was not in school, he was. He had apparently left school after getting into trouble with his teacher and had been wandering around the neighborhood! I won't get into details, but he was young.... and it worried us a lot that he had left school and had been alone for x amount of time. He was taken back to school, and we attempted to go on about our business. I still can't stop thinking about what a blessing it was that my husband was home from work today, outside trying to work on his car, when that boy wandered by. I am thankful that we were here to help him and that he was not hurt. It was so sad to realize how vulnerable this little boy had been, but so good to know that we were put in the path to help him without realizing it.

On to the last part of today....

Those of you who know me in person know that I am careful with our money. I have a monthly budget, a menu for meals, and I cut corners wherever I can. But I went against all of that today after an answer to a prayer told me to. Bryan and I talked last year about working towards him being able to get his "dream car". We discussed the amount we would save to put down, the amount of time it would take to do so, and how quickly we would pay off the balance after the purchase. Well...... he got his dream car a little sooner than we had planned. Okay, a lot sooner. He got it today. A good friend of mine reminded me today that, as wives, it is sometimes good to remember that our husbands need the opportunity to make decisions alone, no matter how big or small they are. She also reminded me that we should not openly doubt our husbands decisions, even if they do have a negative outcome. Her example was a pastor who had decided to invest in a business venture that eventually went down the toilet, but his wife never peeped a word of opposition and never mumbled an "I told you so" when it fell apart. She learned to submit and give him the opportunity to succeed or fail, and he learned that her devotion to him was something to love and respect for eternity. As a believer in equal-partner input, a strong-willed woman, and a cautious person, that is incredibly hard for me to swallow... at least for big decisions.... and a car is a VERY big decision. However, I felt prompted to take her words as wise counsel, and I decided to proceed with caution. I expressed my concerns to my husband in a very limited way, and then told him that I would support his decision, no matter what it was. Then I took myself out of the decision-making process completely. If this had been anytime last year or the previous years of our marriage, I would have been angry with him. I would have felt that he was being selfish and not considering the most cautious (or best, for me those words tend to be interchangeable) option and taking it. But I realized today that his sacrifices for our family have been beyond impressive, and that this could be the best (and most memorable) chance to show him how much I appreciate and respect his hard work and devotion to our family (for now). I realized that he would not have this chance again for several years if we decided to take the frugal and cautious route. I realized that it was my turn to sacrifice and give him a wonderful opportunity.

The car is within our budget. It is just way more than I would have spent. Ever. But that is my character. I am not right, he is not wrong. This time there was no compromise. There was loving submission. There was humility. We prayed about it as a family before the papers were signed and the keys were handed over. I thought for a fleeting moment that we would be reminded of our hastiness and that the answer would be to not go forward with it. But the only answer I received was "let him do it....". I was dumbfounded at the amount of peace I felt afterwards.

Will we receive criticism for this?? You bet!! Many people will not understand why or how we came to this decision. Many people will think my logic is flawed. Many people will criticize my husband and say or think that he was indeed selfish. This was not a frugal decision. Yes, we need two cars to get around. Bryan works and I am busy driving kids around and running errands in a community that is not very bike-friendly. Could we have waited? Of course. Could we have picked something more practical? Absolutely. Was that the answer we received when we prayerfully considered? No. I don't understand it, but I trust the answer nonetheless.

If the doubters had been present with us today, they would have felt the strong presence of the spirit and how truly humbling the situation was. I don't know what else to say about it. I will never forget how it felt to see the gratitude in my husband's eyes today, and I will never regret it.

Today, this is the gift I gave to my husband....

Forget it and leave it alone!

As it always is after a church conference, I have a lesson that I must learn that ties in with at least one of the amazing talks.

Someone hurt my feelings recently by calling me some very ugly things and assuming the absolute worst about my character. This person intended to get an emotional rise out of me with their words, and they achieved their goal. Though I do not know this person well at all, I was wounded and allowed myself to be upset and deeply offended. As I was standing in the kitchen over the weekend, discussing the event with a family member, I heard the spirit tell me "forget it and leave it alone". I knew it was the right thing to do, but I wanted to understand how it was unique to my situation and how it was going to make me a wiser, better person in the end. So I did what I always do when I am confused or conflicted about spiritual matters clashing with the natural man (or woman, in this case).... I prayed. A lot.

I received the first part of my answer on Sunday during Sunday School, when both of my children were sleeping in the pew with me (Andrew's snoring was incredibly distracting). You see, I was wrestling with the matter of gray area and crossing lines. What type of reaction from me would be considered crossing the line? What actions would be lumped in to that gray area that is always so dangerously close to crossing the line?

I have taken offense before, and at times it has taken me a while to let it go and fulfill the whole cycle of forgiving and moving on. But I have always managed to do so, having felt the lifted weight and the joy of extending forgiveness in the past to people who had truly hurt me. But I felt this past Sunday that the opportunity had been extended to me to realize what I might have done, or might be doing, to allow myself to be offended or put myself in a situation where I may receive a response that could cause offense.

Though it was not my intention to offend, I saw that the question I asked could have been taken in a negative way by people of a defensive nature. I also realized that my expectation of receiving a somewhat civil response was unrealistic.

Back to my answer on Sunday.... it dawned on me that forgetting people and leaving them alone can truly be part of the forgiving process.... but only after you have forgiven them and allowed the poison of your hurt feelings to leave your mind. In other words, I realized that I can avoid people who are seeking to hurt me by kindly avoiding them and no longer letting the thought of their hurtful actions stay in my mind. I took some notes to remind myself of what I felt I had learned, and I want to share them here:

1. Do not easily take offense! (this is always easier said than done, as offense is a stubborn weed that takes root and is hard to pull!)
2. Forgive those who have wronged you, but protect yourself, protect your name, and protect your family from those who seek to harm or defame you or your family.
3. Recognize when others will not receive you warmly, and prepare as best as you can to confront it righteously or make every noble attempt to ignore or avoid those who would actively seek to offend or antagonize you.
4. Do what you tell your children to do (simple, huh?):
* set boundaries
* if the boundaries are broken, do not enable negative actions by allowing hurtful people to be a part of your life

The last bit of advice ties in with a wonderful talk about letting go of grudges and extending forgiveness:

Forgive the people who hurt you, forget them, and leave them alone

This does NOT apply to people who have unknowingly hurt or offended you, and it does not apply to people who are striving to become better and who have asked for your forgiveness. This applies to people who do not see any reason to make earnest effort to make things right with you. This applies to people who are actively seeking to distress you in any way. Forgiving them will heal your spirit. Forgetting their actions will heal your mind. Leaving them alone will give you both the chance to be better people (again, this is only in cases where the person is truly not making an earnest effort to repair damage and/or is continuing to knowingly cause damage) and move on to your next set of experiences.

If at any point the person you have forgiven (and their actions you have hopefully forgotten) comes forward seeking repair, do not shut the door to them. It is not our right to make that decision. But nowhere is it stated that we must continue to endure hateful or spiteful words or actions, and nowhere is it stated that we must constantly put ourselves at the mercy of a person who seeks to be cruel to us.

So my lesson was this, forget it and leave it alone can also mean forget THEM and leave THEM alone.

I do not feel I am done learning all there is to know on this subject (thankfully most of us are still learning about it), and I hope that any comments left here will take that into account and be civil and uplifting.

Fun times and scary marshmallows

My son turned 4 this past weekend, and his birthday party was wonderful! We had several friends and family members show up to celebrate his day. I got a lot of compliments on the cake I made (even though I knew it did not turn out as well as it could have, pic below) so it got the wheels in my head turning. It did not cost a lot to make it, so I decided I would throw myself out there and make some cakes for other functions. I am making two cakes tomorrow. One will be a basketball cake (for a church basketball championship BBQ) and the other will be a girly cake (for a girls' night I am planning that will be tomorrow evening). I honestly have no idea how the cakes will turn out, but I can tell you that it has already been an adventure making them.


(the birthday cake)



THE ADVENTURE:
I tried to make marshmallow fondant in my mixer tonight....... it ended up quickly oozing up the dough hook and out of the bowl like a blob-monster. I don't remember seeing that it the YouTube tutorial I watched so closely last night. I panicked and did the first thing I thought of..... I tried to use my hands to get the marshmallow back in to the bowl. When I realized that was a dumb idea I tried to turn off the mixer. I did it, but got marshmallow all over the mixer in the process. Then I moved the bowl to the sink (because my hand was already stuck to the bowl). I tried to remove the bowl from my hand carefully.... that didn't work. I ended up having to knock it off with my other forearm. Powdered sugar went everywhere. I got it all cleaned up and finished making the fondant by hand, but I got marshmallow in my hair and on my shirt in the process. I think that shirt may be considered a casualty of baking now..... I can't see any way I can get the now hardened marshmallow off of it.

But then it dawned on me..... you can't be a seasoned baker without having some kitchen disasters first. So I am proud that I had a ridiculous moment of sticky stupidity..... I think it means I am close to graduating to some entry-level of competency with my fondant/cake making skills.

I am so excited for tomorrow! I am going to have fun making these cakes, even if they fall apart in the end. After all, it will still taste delicious.

(sorry, I didn't take pictures of the disaster, maybe next time (and there will be a next time))

On another note, I got my hair cut again today. Here is the pic!

I'm Jacque, and.......

I just created a profile on mormon.org to help my friends who are not LDS church members understand the LDS church a little more through my personal experiences. It is still being reviewed, and I will post a link to my profile when it is accepted. In the meantime you can click on the cute "I'm a Mormon" button above to take a look at the site and browse around a bit.

Can we be inspired?

We have all felt the calm before a storm. The skies seem to be so clear and perfect, as if to warn us of the tumult about to ramble across the vault. A little chaos is good for us all; it forces us to act on instinct and sharpen our mental reactions. I know myself well enough by now to acknowledge that I receive my most inspiring epiphanies when I am alone. The silence cleanses my crowded mind and opens the windows of my stifled imagination.

I desperately needed that time this evening, so I put the darling little ones to bed early after happily seeing my husband off to basketball practice. Sadly, nothing happened. No locked gates were opened, and no seedlings of newborn ideas were planted in my head. That won't stop me from enjoying the little comforts that I rely on when I am seeking new experiences. Whether it reveals itself now or at some distant time, I can fall in to the secure actions that help me seek my inspiration.

A little quiet music does so much for me, so I start there. Then I pray and meditate on any residual thoughts of the prayer. After that I just sit, alone, quiet, releasing any nagging thoughts or tensions that are holding me back. This proves to be a challenge in most cases.... you can easily guess why, I'm sure. But a little effort makes for pleasing results. I get what I want and my body gets what it needs. The process is completed and another experience begins.

What was I inspired to do tonight? Spend more time alone, in silence, showing appreciation to my body for carrying me so far. Showing love to my soul for blooming so exquisitely. Giving thanks by resting my weary head and preparing it for the wonderful storm that is brewing. Heavens of my mind, let the rain fall.

Up to speed - week 4 recap

Yes, I missed a week of my routine. In my defense, I was doing some fairly labour intensive work around the house. I was cleaning and re-prepping the concrete in the living room and hallway all week long. My arms were so dead by the end of the week that I could feel my heartbeat in my muscles.

But I mostly got back on schedule last week, at least with my lifting. I completed upper, core, and lower (even after Grace got sick with the flu). However, I only did one HIIT session and one low-impact cardio (walking our 70 pound dog) throughout the course of the week.

I got hit last night with the fever, chills, aches, and coughing. But after taking some DayQuil this morning I hit the weights. My upper-body workout for week 5 is DONE! I probably won't do any cardio until tomorrow or Wednesday, I don't want to overdo it and then wear down my immune system response. Anyway, I have felt like a horrible slacker, but it really does feel good to strength train again and feel that soreness afterwards. It hurts so good!