My husband just stopped me mid-brainstorm to ask me how open I am with others in regard to our struggles in our relationship. So I had to push my first idea for tonight's blog out of my head and bring this up.
Should other people know when you are struggling?
Should other people be given the chance to understand and be aware of your hard situations?
Is it fair to disclose information about your partner to others to paint the full picture of explanation?
If yes, then who do you talk to? Close friends? Family? A spiritual advisor? A therapist of counselor?
Do you want to surround yourself with support, or do you want to disconnect from your network and work it out alone?
I suppose the answer to each question would change depending on timing, place, and the severity of the struggle. I realize that I am taking a risk in blogging about something so sensitive and personal, but I know that there are many other people out there who struggle with the same issues I am struggling with. If that is the case, why not make it known that I am willing to admit my struggles and work on them along with others who are ready to make the change? I have felt a lot of positivity about this blog challenge, and I know that as long as I keep my goal in sight, I will obtain it someday. If I happen to help others in the process, then my joy in my journey will be magnified.
However, I also should respect my husband's need for privacy. My journey should not harm the ones I love (whether intended or not), so fair compromise can easily be made. I am working on myself, and I will blog about my struggles and my achievements. No specific information about my husband's involvement will be disclosed in any of my blog posts. I love him and I care about showing him that I recognize he feelings and I respect them wholly.
Back to the topic at hand: I tend to reach out to others from church when I am struggling. I realize that there is the potential to be judged in these cases, because all church members are imperfect people. I usually do not realize that information I disclose could cause others involved to be wrongfully judged. Perhaps it is a matter of trusting others who are removed from my situation more than I trust myself and my own judgment. Either way, I know that I sometimes yearn to be more personal with other good, welcoming church members. But in trusting too much I unfairly burden those who may not be ready or able to share my burdens. I think that it falls back on the fact that I never felt comfortable fully disclosing my struggles to any of my family members growing up. I regard the members of my ward to be spiritual family members, and I think I try to compensate for an awkward past by reaching out for support within my ward network and among my close friends.
So since I feel that this behavior to reach out too much in very personal matters ties in to my issues with trust, I am going to include within my trust challenge a sub-challenge:
Do not share very personal (and perhaps potentially damaging) information with anyone I feel is kind and caring!
I will keep the personal lives of me and my husband between he and I. But that does not mean I think it is wrong to share my progress and my pitfalls on my blog and with my friends. I have been enjoying using this blog as an outlet to share in my attempts to better myself, and I hope that you have been enjoying following along with me.
Many thanks, and many blessings to you all!
This is really not anyone else's business. It is a bad idea to discuss your marital difficulties with friends, much less expose them for random eyes to see. Double-plus ungood, babe.
ReplyDeleteAnd the daughter continues to teach and open her mother's eyes....
ReplyDeleteYou have to be open somewhere and with someone. I personally don't really have anyone I can open to thus I open up on my blog a lot. And to be honest, those who are offended or take it wrong are simply not people I need to have in my life anyway. Those who take what I say with a grain of salt and understand the moment are my true friends. They are few and far between but it's Ok to be open and honest!
ReplyDeleteWhen Jake and I got married our sealer gave us the best advice. He said that whenever we have problems we should turn to each other. He advised us to not turn to others with our problems but to always go to each other. So that is my advice.
ReplyDeleteIt hasn't always been easy but that forced us to figure out how to be there for each other. We can go to each other about any-and-every thing no matter how embarrassing or humiliating. I love being able to do that. we have gotten mad together, sad together, and even cried together. It took us years to be able to put our selves completely out there and to put our whole heart into the marriage but we figured it out. If a person cannot figure out how to communicate "all things" to their spouse those things will end up being communicated to someone in someway. whether it is for council, guidance, help, a shoulder to lean on, sympathy, moral support, validation of their feelings, and even comfort (mental or physical), etc. These are all things that one should be getting from their spouse.
What about counseling? What's your take on that? It's strictly confidential and only for the strict purpose of helping you cope more effectively with things in general, as well as the specific things which hinder you from day to day...
ReplyDeleteWell, Miss Ashley, it just so happens that I started meeting with the bishop last night. So I do agree with counseling, and I know that it helps to receive the first round of counsel from someone of spiritual authority who holds the keys to help the members of the area. I knew it would help, and I am thankful that I have such an option. :-)
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