Blog Challenge: Day Two

Am I worthy? Well, I wrote a little about that yesterday.

I am proud to say that I said "I am worthy" to myself every time I felt negativity coming on today. Perhaps I said it too many times, but I knew it was a good start. That is a small triumph!

I went to see a woman from church today who practices alternative medicine more than I do, and I love it. I opened up to her a little, and she told me about this form of therapeutic repetition called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Look it up, it is food for thought. :-) I mention this so you do not come to the conclusion that I am a lunatic when you read my next paragraph.

...... I had a setback with my trust today. I knew it would happen early in my attempts to strengthen myself, so I am not completely ashamed to admit it happened. I had an unfortunate argument with my husband about it, too. It even ruined my workout, and it takes a lot to ruin my workouts. I cut my workout short and decided to take a long shower, where I found it reasonable to hide in the tub and pray for a long while. Have you ever just laid in the tub and let the water fall on you from the shower head? That's what I did, and it felt nice, very calming. Then I tried EFT. I tried it a few times with different conflicts. It's surprisingly relaxing! I cried, a lot. But unlike other times where I cried hard and eventually stopped, I actually felt much better afterwards. I like to look at that as progress.

I have some glad news to share before I move on. My husband and I reached another positive agreement today. We have made large leaps in progress through our talks and having more open, honest communication. He wants to focus more on me and our family, and I want to act in a more rational, understanding manner. We want to do this together. TOGETHER! This is a very big deal for both of us. I can feel we are both a few steps close to reaching the top of this mountain we have been climbing, and we are doing it hand in hand.

After my long and peaceful shower I decided to start researching ways to control and calm my emotions. There is a vast reservoir of information out there on this topic. I think channeling my emotions in to constructive activities is a good start for me. So exercise, positive conversations, uplifting hobbies, prayer and meditation, reading inspiring literature, and of course writing, are where I can easily start. Have you ever yelled at someone who wasn't there when you were running on the treadmill? How about yelling at someone who is not present while on the treadmill, listening to classical music and attempting to read a book between your shouts? Can I consider that multitasking? Don't be fooled by the sound of it, it is easier than it seems. There is, of course, the benefit that I know I look like a total fool while I am doing it. So I can get it all out and then laugh at myself afterwards. It may not work for you. Trust me. I understand. Not everyone wants to look like a lunatic.

All I know is this. I love my husband. I love my children. I love the Lord, and I appreciate all they have done for me. I don't want to lose them or lose the progress I have tried to make in my adult years. It's my turn to shine and show each of them how good I can be. I know that in strengthening myself, I will give them what they need. But I am also realizing that the most important thing I can do is show myself how good, worthy, and strong I can be. Let me repeat that. The most important thing for me to do is focus on building up myself, FOR MYSELF.

Tomorrow is a brand new day, and I am looking forward to facing it with my chin up and my eyes bright.

That pesky voice will be there trying to tell me not to trust that the sun will shine. It will try to convince me that those thick, threatening clouds are always nearby, attempting to choke out the light of the sun. That voice will certainly try to tell me that people in my life are endeavoring to do me wrong. It will play on my weaknesses and my past experiences to try to get me to find reason and evidence in those doubts. But I will have more strength (even if it is only a little more than yesterday and today) to hear the voice of comfort over the voice of doubt.

I want to end today's post with the words of a hymn that have helped me through the years, and echo in my ears now:

Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace,
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul?

Where, when my aching grows, where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand? He, only One.

He answers privately, reaches my reaching,
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind, love without end.